


Much ado about cats

by Bacner



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cats, Gen, Pre-Series, no one likes Joffrey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:48:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23161210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bacner/pseuds/Bacner
Summary: Tommen Baratheon loves cats. So does his grandfather's executioner. No one cares for Joffrey, however.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	Much ado about cats

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lila_luscious1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lila_luscious1/gifts), [bichita_36e](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bichita_36e/gifts), [beckysue_bonner](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beckysue_bonner/gifts), [dwalk1_2002](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dwalk1_2002/gifts), [joli_camarillo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/joli_camarillo/gifts), [Patty_Parker60](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patty_Parker60/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, they all belong to Martin and HBO.

_Across the multiverse..._

Once upon a time, there was a rather miserable young boy prince named Tommen Baratheon, who loved cats. The boy prince was miserable, because his elder brother, the throne heir Joffrey, was an abuser of both people and animals, but while he had to restrain himself from abusing people _too_ obviously, (for now), with animals he was less subtle, or more successful, or something, and Tommen couldn't do anything about it - Joffrey beat the crud out of him every single time.

...One could ask as to why Tommen didn't try to exercise or something in order to stand up to Joffrey - just look at his father, the good king Robert Baratheon, the first of his name, (cough), but somehow things never went far enough for Tommen to become properly motivated for this sort of thing, and so things went on as they always did, with the cats and poor Tommen always getting the worst of it from Joffrey.

On this particular day, Tommen found himself a new kitten - a white boy with black paws, and decided to keep him. He didn't know as to whose kitten it was, but it was probably _someone's_ \- it was just too well groomed to be a stray. "Hello boy, and what's your name?" he asked the kitten gently. 

The kitten mewed something back, and as ill luck would have it, Joffrey came upon them. The kitten and Tommen took one look at Joffrey, and promptly fled through the royal gardens, pursued by Joffrey, who finally found someone to vent his spleen upon - i.e., his brother and a kitten. Which one would fair worse under Joffrey's ministrations was anyone's guess, and so the pair took off through the royal gardens, with Joffrey in hot pursuit. How this would've ended is anyone's guess, but it ended actually thusly: the kitten ran to an older, bigger, tomcat, (tabby colored, if anyone cared), and hid behind him.

The tom didn't ran, but gave Joffrey a very unfriendly glare and hissed, (Joffrey had arrived on the scene just after Tommen). Tommen took a look at them and took a flanking position - to see what happened next. At least, this was the intended plan, because in reality Tommen slammed into someone tall and hard - he looked up, and it was his grandfather Tywin's executioner, Ser Payne. The latter wasn't hissing at Joffrey, but only looking at him with obvious disapproval. 

...Another cat, a pure black female, slinked from behind the executioner's legs and gave Tommen a sniff. Tommen didn't object - the new cat didn't look too nice, but she did look friendly enough.

"I want that kitten!" Joffrey screamed in his high-pitched voice: he saw his mother's colors on ser Payne's clothes and grew bold once more. "I want it now!"

Ser Payne made a very rude and dismissive gesture towards Joffrey. Joffrey turned red. "Ser Patrek!" he screamed again.

Joffrey's current bodyguard, a large, brutish, and formidable man, appeared on the scene. "Ser, give the prince his cat!" he told the executioner flatly.

The executioner shifted the grip on his own weapon. Usually, in Westeros, executions were done by sword, but because ser Payne was a 'good executioner', according to lord Tywin, he could use a halberd, a long-shafted axe, instead. It was supposedly called the Bonesplitter, but since ser Payne couldn't talk, this could neither be proved nor disproved... In any rate, ser Patrek shrugged and went forth to take the kitten by force.

Things went downhill from there.

///

_Some time later_

"Gah! Gah! Gah-gah-gah-gah!" Cersei Lannister was busy vomiting into helpfully presented buckets when they were available and into the nearby rose bushes when they weren't. Joffrey Lannister, her eldest son, was long gone, because he had soiled himself even worse than how his mother, the queen of the seven kingdoms, was vomiting. Robert Baratheon, her king and husband wasn't impressed or even looking at them or for them, but rather was busy talking to lord Tywin; (apparently the entire reason as to why ser Payne and his cats were in the royal residence today was because they came with lord Tywin as part of his entourage for whatever reason lord Tywin had come up with).

"Lord Tywin," His Grace, king Robert the first of his name told his goodfather. "How could this happen?"

"I've no idea," lord Tywin flatly lied, not even trying to come up with a good excuse. "Ser Payne?"

Ser Payne looked at his liege lord and shrugged, not caring to point how he had put ser Patrek into an appropriately sized oaken casket, aka a small barrel - there were a lot of pieces of the late knight, but they had been small pieces - lord Tywin's executioner was that good with his halberd, it looked like.

"Right," lord Tywin just shook his head, clearly dismissing his liege man, but in a good way. "Your highness," he told his other grandson, "I'm sorry that you had to see this - it's just that ser Payne likes animals better than people..."

"Grandfather," Tommen asked quietly, ready to back down at the first rebuke, but still. "And whom do you like better? Animals or people?"

Lord Tywin actually grew thoughtful at this. Given that he was looking at Tommen with those leonine eyes of his, that wasn't necessarily a good thing. "Interesting question," he finally answered. "I don't have favorites - animals or people."

"And that isn't right," Robert boomed loudly, joining the conversation, with a curious look upon his face.

"Oh? And what does Your Grace suggests?"

And Robert told them.

_The end?_


End file.
